W(h)ine Wednesday: The Stages of Job Searching, According To Me

I graduated from college back in May with a Bachelor of Arts degree, with honors, a member of two honor societies and feeling good about entering the real world. And then that Monday morning came, I was jobless and would remain that way until my hair dresser decided she needed a receptionist. And here I am, two months later.

I work at a hair salon, manning the front desk, taking calls and scheduling appointments for those who need their hair did. It isn’t much, but it does help me pay off my credit card bills every month. But truthfully, this is one of the most boring jobs I have ever held in my entire life. I mean, I literally sit at this desk, make some appointments, take money from clients, and in all my spare time I fuck around on the computer.

Most of the time I spend on the computer is starting and not finishing posts for this site actually, but times when I’m not are spent looking for a better job. I’m not saying I’m not thankful that this job literally fell into my lap, but this job has no fulfilling purpose other than it is easy money in my pocket at the end of the week.

But seriously, job searching is fucking hard. I have been so incredibly unsuccessful in finding a job for myself, and that’s basically how I ended up here. Just mentioning I was unemployed made my now boss throw a job at me, because she so conveniently needed someone for her front desk.

Anyway, the point of this post is to recount what the job search feels like for me. Maybe some of you are, or have been, in my shoes and can relate to this.

  1. Post graduation blues.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s all over, folks. The dorm life, the Tequila Tuesdays where you didn’t know if you’d make it to your Wednesday 8 am, the sense of belonging somewhere other than your family. It’s over. You’ve graduated. You made it to the real world! Now, find a fucking job.9wGMD.gif

2. Finding a position.

Whether you have signed up for countless jobsites (hey, indeed and glassdoor) or are strictly stalking the sites of a specific company you want to work for, you begin with looking for a position. Anything that you might be qualified for. Usually, as a recent graduate, you’re looking for an entry level position: an often low-paying, back breaking position in which you serve as the office bitch because of your inexperience. Below is an accurate description of what it looks like endlessly scrolling for a fucking job.


3. Skimming the description.

Cool, great job! After a few emotional breakdowns, a call to your mom about being a failure, and having gone through an entire box of tissues, you found a job title that sounds like you may be the perfect fit! You begin reading the job description and realize “holy shit, this position is made for me!” You continue to read it, see that you have the necessary education you smart son of a gun, and that the internship experience you gained during college is a good start for this position. You feel qualified, you feel like this is it.tumblr_inline_n5g541uAt71qa43er.gif Maybe it’s even almost too good to be true. And that’s the next phase.

4. It’s too good to be true.

So, you’re reading this description, you’re off to a fantastic start. It’s literally like this job was sent to you by Jesus Christ himself, you’re getting ready to hit that “Apply!” button, and then you see it: Five Years Experience. Must be fluent in Polish. Must be willing to work at the crack ass of dawn until 11:59 pm, maybe later. You probably say this a couple of times.


And then that great feeling just drops, kind of like you do physically while sitting on whatever you’re sitting on.

5. Crying, so much crying.

You pick up that phone again, dialing your mom as fast as you can to remind her that you are, in fact, a failure. Your whole mood/day/week/month/year is shot to shit. You feel like you’re never going to get a job, you feel like doing this:


You feel like giving up, like you’ll really never find a job and that you’re just wasting your precious time searching through all these sites.

6. You start, again.


The whole cycle starts again, from step 2. You look for a job, fall in love, realize you’re not even remotely qualified, and cry your goddamn eyes out.


But one day,  your cycle is going to go in a different direction. You’re going to find the perfect job for you. You’re going to rock the shit out of that job, make a shit ton of money in your future, and one day maybe even watch your kids go through the same cycle.

But the fact of the matter is, you got to keep at it. Keep applying for those jobs, and in all seriousness: apply for whatever the fuck you want. You’ll never know unless you try, and while a rejection email might sting: it isn’t the end of the world.

To all my job seekers, I wish you the best of luck.


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