To my fans

Nearly everyone on the face of the planet has an instagram account. I know very few people who don’t have an Insta and I know a shit ton of people who have two accounts. But one of my favorite thing about Instagram? The stories feature. But not for why you might think.

Stories on Instagram was a feature merely copied and pasted from Snapchat. Both allow users to add filters, stickers, writing, whatever on the picture before posting it to your loyal followers – or as I sometimes call them, fans. The major difference between stories on the media platforms is how they list the users who have viewed the story.

On Snapchat, your story watchers are listed in order by who saw it first. Instagram has the same algorithm, up until the first fifty people watch it. Instagram’s algorithms have been slammed for the absolutely terrible way that they show posts on feeds – like do I want to see a post from five days ago first? Definitely not. Anywaysssss, after the first 50 people see whatever annoying boomerang or multiple posts for a girl that you talk shit about turning a year older, users are listed in order by who interacts with your Instagram the most. This person could be your significant other, BFF Jill, even your Mom if y’all are that close (here’s to you, Deb Ann).

But what I find interesting about my top viewers is that they are people who supposedly cannot fucking stand me. Which is fine & dandy, because it’s clear that he/she/it has a personal interest in my life, even beyond my (maybe) weekly instagram post. So here’s a letter to you:

Dear Carbie Courtney’s fan club,

I see you!  I don’t know why you would be at the top of my viewership, considering you have expressed your profound disinterest in my life. But hey, welcome! I hope you’ve been enjoying my stories, as they are usually entertaining. I don’t mean to brag, but my life is pretty interesting and I’m so glad to see that I’ve gained a fan in you!

Thanks for your viewership – it is sincerely appreciated & noted!


Carbie C



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