A word that scares me shitless. I absolutely despise being alone. When I’m by myself, I’m left alone with my thoughts – and that’s not entirely a good thing. You see, my mental illness weighs down hard on the way that my brain functions as one could expect. I’ve come to realize that leaving me alone with my thoughts has proved to be detrimental to my inability to maintain relationships, to stay happy, to keep my head screwed on right.
I’m so terrified of going home later, knowing that I’ll likely end up sitting in my room, alone, with the sound of the TV and the wind haunting my loneliness. I even considered buying tickets to tonight’s Wednesday Night Rivalry at MSG – between the New York Rangers (yuck) and Pittsburgh Penguins (double yuck).
I hate being alone. But unfortunately, I’ve made it this way.
I may be getting annoying now, with three back to back to back posts. But since I’m not active on social media, I can’t tweet out individual thoughts and quite frankly, I don’t need to explain myself to anyone either. Keep enjoying my meltdowns, updates, w(h)ining and whatever else I may throw at y’all.